Repairing Your Marriage After Substance Abuse Treatment

Today, with 12 years of recovery, we have created a strong bond that respects our individuality, challenges us to grow, and supports our human fragility. My partner went to treatment shortly after we started living together. The most challenging decision I had to consider was whether to stay or leave the relationship.

The patterns and interactions that were established during addiction are basically obliterated. A husband who used to stay out late drinking will now be spending much more time at home. A wife previously addicted to painkillers to numb difficult emotions or situations will now have to deal with them head-on, without the aid of substances. Codependent behaviors that used to be the norm are disrupted as couples stop playing the roles of addict and enabler and have to find their way back to the roles of spouses. Finally, trust between couples may have been broken during addiction if a partner lied about substance abuse and the process to rebuild it may not always be smooth.

I Got Sober and Everything Got Better… Except My Relationship

At First Steps Recovery, we are committed to helping those in their most desperate time. We provide alcohol & drug treatment programs in Fresno and surrounding areas. People visit us from various parts of California and all over the country.

• An outpatient program can be especially helpful as couples navigate their relationship during this newfound phase of sobriety.
• It may be impossible for a spouse to care for a partner who is experiencing nausea and vomiting, fatigue, lethargy, lack of appetite, and excessive sweating and bodily shaking.
• Living with an addicted spouse can be so difficult many marriages end in separation or divorce if the person struggling with addiction doesn’t get treatment.
• Other couples may be shocked to find out the extent of a partner’s problems with drugs or alcohol.

If they’ve been using for many years, their development may also have been stunted. Addiction is chronic, so having open communication will enable your partner to understand when you are struggling so they can support you as best as possible. Making promises that will improve your life will help you regain confidence in yourself. Doing this will simultaneously help your partner marriage after sobriety realize that you are committed to your recovery and marriage. Although not guaranteed, rebuilding your marriage is achievable if you are serious and take the right steps towards making it work. When I quit drinking, our relationship got much worse before it could begin to get better and recover. We have someone standing by 24/7 to talk to about your spouse’s recovery.

Treat the Marriage as a New Relationship

We were supposed to go to counseling, but then it turns into a fight before it’s time to go. His last text to me on Friday was that he was done letting my sponsor come first and for me to go on with my life.

With Bill’s sobriety, the quality of our relationship improved enough for us to marry. However, it’s not a cliché to say that our journey was far from linear. We both did a lot of work to disentangle, develop clear communication, and become mindful of ourselves and each other.

He thinks that I’m letting my sponsor and my AA come before him or our marriage.

But, when your spouse was struggling with their addiction, they likely weren’t equally contributing to your home life. When recovery is working for both partners, it may seem as if they are getting to know each other all over again. In recovery, they are actually different people than they were during the worst of the addiction, and they are changing rapidly. The sharing of this journey will probably be the surprise of their lives, because intimacy with one’s chosen partner in recovery is more intense and fulfilling than was ever expected.